Christmas Ended Too Soon

What a whirlwind this Christmas season was... I'm still trying to accept and understand that it is all over. A blink of the eye and Christmas season items are on clearance everywhere I look.

As usual, I overextended myself. I vow next year to plan better. Much better. Just like we do at the marketing firm, I know the drop dead dates for everything (Christmas cards going out, parties to bake for, Christmas errands to run, etc.). I just need to back out the timeline and work according to the schedule.

We had 4 parties this year and 5? christmas gatherings. It didn't help that there were 5 fewer days this year between Thanksgiving and Christmas. That's pretty much a freakin' week in my book! 

:-(

Well, it was all great and fun and wonderful, nonetheless. And I have to remember what it's all supposed to be about, anyway. My life is changed... the world is changed for all eternity because of Jesus. The older I get, the easier it is to doubt the Christmas story. But I can't ignore the faith I have deep inside. That feeling that I am never alone, that my life and my family are being looked after by something greater than myself. I believe in Jesus because I see him in everything around me, once I take the time to stop and look. I'll tell you what, becoming a mother really gave me reason to believe. The loves and fears and insecurities that come with the job are terribly overwhelming. But I know I can do all things through Him. And I remember that I am loved the same way I love my children. 

It just feels right to believe in it all.

The Eve of Christmas Eve

I had two special moments today... 

The first one was this afternoon. Jack was asleep in the house and I was letting Austin ride his "BIG BIKE" in the driveway. I even moved my car out of the way, much to his delight. There he was, riding around me in circles, pedaling like crazy and enjoying the fact that I was participating in this fun activity with him. All of it set to the tunes of the Christmas music I had booming out of the shower radio I had set up in the garage.

My second moment happened with Austin, too. Jeff and I went shopping for the boys and Jeff needed to make one more stop. He took Jack with him and I had Austin with me. We went to Starbucks for Hot Chocolate and we sat at a table together, waiting for my mom to order and join us. As we were waiting, Austin had me put the top on his cup and he took a cautious sip of his drink. I can't begin to explain the world I saw open up in front of my eyes as I witnessed his first Starbucks sip... all with his eyes glued on me like he knew this was a landmark moment. I explained to him that people sit, drink and talk at coffee shops and then he proceeded to ask me about my day at work and tell me a story about a mean lion pushing me down, and how he took me to the doctor, who was also mean. I can't wait to have countless more moments like this with him at coffee shops.

Jack, I promise to make a special memory with you tomorrow...

Boobs No More

We have officially weaned Jack. We were in the process about a month or so ago, but then he got really sick with a stomach virus, so we backtracked some. He's not like Austin when it comes to nursing. Austin was very busy, active and independent and he pretty much weaned himself. I had just found out I was pregnant with Jack, so at 14 months I kind of took his lead and it was done.

Jack is much more attached to me. Everything that is "mommy". He's a Mama's boy, for sure, which I love. So while he was sick I realized that he was mostly throwing up my breastmilk and keeping other things down fine. That was the sign, and Jeff pretty much made it a reality. I'm a little depressed about it b/c I have these boobs that are larger than most and full of milk, just wondering where the baby all of a sudden went... They hurst some, too. More than that though, is the sad fact that I'll never see my baby Jack nurse from me again. 

He just grew up too damn fast.