Hormonal and Worried

Now that I'm getting my monthly visitor again, I am slowly remembering all the not-so-nice things that come along with it. I'm more than melancholy at the moment. The fact that I'm facing a weekend with the boys and no Jeff isn't helping matters, either.

We had Jack's 18mo check-up today and I couldn't help but feel like a slight failure in the motherhood department. First off, the boy looks just right to me, but for the first time he is under the 50th percentile. It looked more like the 35-40th when I saw the chart. The doc was good to not freak about it, noting that I have a small frame so he will prob follow with that, but I am worried, at least a little. He has diarrhea pretty often and I'm wondering if that's contributed to his decline??? He's recently taken to eating constantly. Maybe it's a sign that he's about to grow. Doc wanted me to eliminate juices and watch the poop to see how he does. I'm also supposed to add fats, like butter, and other things to a) help with the diarrhea and b) help with weight gain.

On another matter, he isn't talking much. I'm really not doing anything different with Jack that I did with Austin, but Austin never had a prob with his vocabulary. Now I have to call some speech therapist to come and evaluate my (lazy?) parenting skills. I feel terrible about the fact that I keep forgetting to give jack his vitamin drops (was worried that they contributed to diarreah issue) and that I haven't thought to teach him his body parts, etc. I also keep forgetting to push the skin back on his penis at every diaper change. 

What's the deal with me? I guess I have so much going on in my head that these things get pushed to the back burner and end up left there. Like my steamed broccoli... the water eventually evaporates and the broc ends up with a nasty burned, mushy essence to them when I finally remember they've been cooking. Also, when I'm in my home I can't help but look around at all the SHIT that needs to be cleaned, folded, picked up, put away, organized, trashed. So I end up busying myself with that instead of just spending time with baby. Austin tends to absorb attention, too. Well, if anything this has been an eye opener and I'm going to have to make some changes.

My number 2 has just become my number 1 priority... now what can I do about this damn bloating!?

Life with the Boys at Deer Camp

I had my first taste of it today. We drove out to the deer lease today and it was the first time Jack or I had gone. Austin had only been once before. Jeff was on cloud 9 taking us out there. I could see it in his face the whole time. 

Of course, we were up late last night hanging out with friends (Irene was in town) and as soon as my head hit the pillow I heard Jack throw up in his crib next to me. Apparently the Mexican food wasn't getting along in his tummy. All in all the two of us got about 3 hours of sleep b/c he had so much diarrhea throughout the night. So I was more than tired on our way out.

But it was wonderful. All of it. The boys were thrilled to be 1) on the road in Daddy's truck, 2) with both Mommy and Daddy and each other all at once, and 3) out doing something their male DNA was telling them would be bad-ass.

As soon as we pulled into the camp and got out Jack was walking around and falling in the dirt, and Austin was poking a large pile of cow shit with a stick (which he then decided to kick with his boot).  As soon as I started to tell Austin not to play with the cow poop, Austin reminded me that he is a boy and that those are the kinds of things boys get to do when they're out enjoying nature. Touché.

That's how the entire afternoon went. We drove around, the dogs ran around, Austin and Jack walked around and poked things and tried to climb trees and touch cactus needles (no bad experiences there, thankfully), and we had quiet peace around us at all times. It was wonderful and I will happily go back in the future.

Lordy, Lordy, He's a Boy!

Jack is not a baby anymore. Over the last month he's really come out of his baby-ness and become a boy. Austin and Jack play together pretty well now and I can see it in Austin's face: excitement to have a playmate on-hand 24/7.

This blog is a little random at the moment. I just don't have it straight in my head what I want to write about. I just know that time is slipping by and things are changing and it's all going to be behind me before I realize it.

Poor kid. Jack always seems to have something going on. Right now we have diarrhea going on and this morning he seemed to have the early stages of a double eye infection. He's become very attached to going to bed with a bottle of milk at night and it's the first thing he expects in the morning. It's an odd (bad) habit we've started... I would have thought my breastfeeding would have prevented this from happening, but really it sort of replaced me. He's such a sweetheart. I can't wait to have more one-on-one time with him. He does this thing where he waves hello to people when we're out and about. The other day at the playground he was playing at a car wheel thing and he looked up to see where I was. He saw me and I smiled and waved at him. He waved back with a big smile and kept waving and waving and waving. Then he walked toward me with arms outstretched like he does. When he got to me, he kissed me and then immediately turned right around to walk back to his play equipment. Then he repeated it all again. It was his little game he was playing and I was part of it.

I want to feel that connected to him all the time. I am with Austin because it was just the two of us for so long. I am having to fight for it with Jack. And I will win, I promise.