Kid Shit

Don't read if you can't handle the topic of shit (although you will laugh!)

I should be working on my Dad's powerpoint presentation, but I've just got to get this down. We are in the process of potty training Austin. At his 3-yr check-up the doc said to take him out of his pull-up diapers and put him in underwear b/c he had the vocab to speak up and that those pull-up diapers are just too absorbent to want him to make a change. We've been doing awesome with peeing, but the boy refuses to poop on the pot. I think it's b/c he's gotten so accustomed to pooping in the standing position. He'd go and hide behind a chair and that would be that.

Well, the first time he pooped in regular underwear I was home and was semi-freaking, saying, "Austin, come into the bathroom. Mommy has to deal with this. How don't know HOW Mommy is going to handle this... Dear God, what do I do?" kind of talk... but it wasn't bad (now a messy poop, thank God).

Yesterday ON OUR WAY OUT THE DOOR TO SCHOOL the "Mommy, I have poop" sentence came out of his mouth. (could he not have waited a little longer so the teachers could deal with this???). We had to do a quick clean-up, change and then we were at school 15 min late. Well, that day I worked my ass off which meant no time to break for lunch. When I left to get the kids I was shaky-hungry (hate that feeling), so we stopped at the McDonald's drive thru on our way to the gym (great idea, I know). I got my kid's meal and Austin got his. Then we cruised over to the new L.A. Fitness to check it out and pick up my new ID card (Jeff had added me to his plan over the phone that morning).

I walked into the gym with big baby Jack on my hip and Austin at my heels. I just wanted to get it over with. Some 18yr old blonde beauty gave us the tour which started at the kid's area. Austin loved it and played while I asked spycho parent questions like, "do the staff personnel watching the kids know CPR?" I managed to coax Austin out of the play area so we could continue our tour of the facility and I noticed Austin was walking like he'd been riding a hours for a day. ("Shit! I thought, not here, not now of all places!). So I asked him, "Austin, did you go poop?" The poor blonde, who looked like she hadn't babysat a day in her life, seemed in awe of my situation. Austin politely answered, "nnnoooo..." and I decided that he was just being shy around all the buff big guys on the machines we were walking around. The rest of the tour was ok, lasted about 15 min, and we were out of there in 20. My arms were about to fall off from holding Jack the whole time and I was so excited to be leaving. Austin offered to "be a gentelement" and hold the door open for me as we were leaving. Yes, I'm teaching him manly manners already.

The second we were outside he admitted to having pooped in his pants. I immediately racked my brain for the next steps: where to clean him up? I'm parked smack dab in front of the place and everyone inside can see my car. How to clean him? I took the diaper wipes out of Jack's diaper bag b/c they are heavy and the school already has wipes. What to change him into? We'd already used his spare change of underwear that morning. 5 seconds later (yes, all those thoughts transpired in 5 seconds) I started towards the card with both boys...all the while asking Austin why he didn't tell me he had to poop.

FIRST: I settled Jack into his car seat and I left his door open, allowing Austin to be shielded for privacy between Jack's door and my door. SECOND: I got him out of his shorts to assess the damage done. It was worse than I'd thought; we had leakage down the leg. THIRD: After insisting in a crazy voice that Austin stand completely still, I scanned the car for any unused napkins from our prior trip to McDonald's.